My Dark Vanessa

 

 T.W - Sexual abuse / grooming / suicide. 

Vanessa was only fifteen when she first has sex with her English teacher, Jacob Strane throughout her high school years the two soon fall in love. Years later, Strane is accused of grooming other students yet Vanessa who is now late twenties is still convinced that her relationship with Strane wasn't and isn't abuse it was and still is love. 

This book was incredible. I will admit, there were parts that were tough to read however it was so incredibly written. I loved that Kate Elizabeth Russell took us through different time frames from 2000 to 2017 in a matter of ten pages yet back to 2000 in another twenty pages. The range of timescales provided a strong insight to the characters and the story. It was interesting to read about Vanessa as a fifteen year old young girl grow into a woman in her late twenties early thirties. 

As mentioned, Vanessa is convinced that what she and Strane have is love not abuse. Yet was it really love? Or was it a young teen girl wanting attention? Or was it a man who wanted pleasure? Personally, I think it was a mixture. Vanessa knew that he treated her differently to other students from the start and Strane knew she would fall for it. Manipulation played a massive role too. Strane told Vanessa everything she wanted to hear, he knew his way with words. The interesting part is that years later as a grown woman, Vanessa is still being manipulated and brainwashed. She is still sneaking around with him, still sleeping with him and still convinced that it is okay which was so sad to read. Kate Elizabeth Russell done an outstanding job in creating pathos for Vanessa. You may be thinking ' how can she not understand how wrong the situation is?' All I can say to that is, read the novel and trust me you will understand. Even after he has been accused of grooming, she believes her situation is different and that Strane is not a predator. This really shows how vulnerable she was as a young fifteen year old girl. 

As for Strane, he does treat her differently even compared to the other girls he was accused of grooming. He is also convinced that this is all love. Perhaps he convinces himself that it is love to try remove the guilt of his actions. Before you continue, I will warn you there is a spoiler...when Strane commits suicide, it begs the question...was he guilty or innocent? Did he do it because he could no longer live with the guilt? Or did he do it because the thought of his reputation being damaged he felt he had nothing else to live for? It is a question we will never have the answer for but I would love to hear your thoughts. 

I wanted to try keep this blog post short to avoid it being too heavy with strong, triggering topics and so I am going to end it here with a quote from this outstanding novel.

 “The excuses we make for them are outrageous, but they’re nothing compared with the ones we make for ourselves.”